She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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