I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
