worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
