He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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