i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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