i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
