I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
