Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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