I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
