True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
