Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
