I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
