I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
