The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
