worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
