I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
