im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
