btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
