Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Bring me that man meat
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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