OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
