im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
