i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
