Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
