yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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