have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
