I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
