You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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