Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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