it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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