I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
