Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
