So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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