Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
