why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
