**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
