I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
