Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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