Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
