my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
