I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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