i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
