oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
