YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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