i jhust puked up my retainher.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
