Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
