Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
