Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
