3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
