Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
