So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
