I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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