honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
